A. Setting Priorities:
We need God’s wisdom and guidance in making our priorities in order. Creating a checklist will help you determine which areas of priorities need attention.
Five things that we as individual parent must value:
1.Prayer time and reading and discussion of Scriptures
This area should not be neglected. It is the very foundation of our life in building our faith in God (Romans 10:17). Abiding and dwelling in Him consistently is the key to be fruitful in everything we do. For without Him being involved in our lives, we can’t do anything (John 15:5) Acquiring knowledge is very helpful but without God’s wisdom, knowledge acquired will not be effective.
- Psalm 127:1 “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.”
- Psalm 128 “ Happy is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways. You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be happy, and it shall go well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.”
Recommended activities as a parent:
* set specific family prayer time
* teach children how to pray the rosary; give them rosaries as gifts; buy tape with recitation of the rosary (for young children who cannot read); play the rosary while iin the car; let the children lead the rosary
* buy religious books for children
*introduce saints and angels
2. Family
Our spouse and children should be the next priority in our life. They are the people whom we will be spending the rest of our life with so there is a need to build a stable , loving and healthy relationship with them. “A family that loves (agape) and prays together; stays harmoniously together.”
Recommended activities:
* eating together
* one-on-one discussion
* social gatherings
*attend school activities
3. Health
There is a need to care for one self. Physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually fit. Otherwise impairment will affect your family. Avoiding having too much stress such as worrying. Having enough rest and well-balanced meals and exercise. (1 Cor. 3:16) Caring for self is not selfishness but rather an act of love. How can you love others, when you don’t know how to love and care for your wellness and wholeness? (Luke 10:27) You’ll never get around much if you have a poor health and be able to enjoy life to the fullest, which is God’s abundant gift and promise to His children.
Recommended activities:
* play together
* exercise together
* healthy cooking and eating
* get regular medical and dental check-up
4. Work
The time spent at work should not hinder the time spent with the family and care for our health. Our professional role is temporary. When we retire we will be replaced, but our role in the family will never end. Family is the only truly permanent role in life. No person in his deathbed would say," I wish I spent more time in the office."
Recommended activities:
* plan overtime or avoid overtime
5. Social
Finding a group or a community that gives Christian support and help is a blessing. Friends can reassure us in times of doubt and can help us in times of trouble. We need one another and we also learn from each other. We have the right to choose our friends. Choose wisely.
B. Time Management:
We need to learn how to have a balance in our life to avoid burn out and neglect of responsibilities. Managing your time wisely can determine balance in all areas of priorities.
Example:
What happens when you spend more time at work and less at home?
Result: A messy household, unhappy spouse and restless children.
What happens to a father who spends 8 hours watching TV and 5 minutes with his child?
Result: A child loses his father. (The Simpson, Bart not respecting his father.)
The Life of Jesus also showed importance to family:
a. He spent 30 yrs with hidden family life with Joseph and Mary, trained and worked with Joseph as a Carpenter. It is through close relationship with His parents that Jesus learned and formed His values.
- Luke 2: 51- 52
b. He spent 3 yrs. of public life.
- Dedicated His life in serving others through preaching, teaching, healing. And one thing He never neglected to do is to draw Himself close to the Father. He had set His priorities in order. He had time to be himself with the Father, with His mother and with His close friends.
- Jesus’ first miracle happened in a family.
c. He spent 3 hrs - suffered, crucified and died for our sake that we would be restored back in the family of God as His adopted children.
_____________________________________________________________
Part 2. Three Graces we must ask from the Lord:
1. Courage to accept our own imperfection.
- We are imperfect. Recognizing that we too can make mistakes.
- Be able to accept our own limitations.
- Awareness of our imperfection will make it easy for us to ask forgiveness from our children. Not accepting one’s weaknesses and imperfection will make it difficult to ask forgiveness and to be humble. Unforgiveness creates a wall between parents and children.
2. Humility to change ourselves first.
- This is the first rule in family therapy. “If we wish our children to change, we should learn to change first.”
- A child will not be encouraged to change if they see that their own parents refuse to change.
- Changes come from admitting and accepting our faults and failings.
- Changes begin first on the inside, before changes happen around us.
3. The joy of parenthood.
- Being a parent is a privilege, not a burden.
- Parenting is a mission. This should not be a cause of our misery. God entrusts our children to us. They are not ours to keep but we are steward who should take care and nourish them with love and affection until the age that they can stand on their own.
- Children are a blessing. It is a great privilege to be around them and learn from them. They got so much to teach us. Learn to treasure them because at the end they too will value your efforts and love for them. What you sow is what you will reap.
-Avoid comparisons. Children are created unique individual. No one is the same as the other even identical twins.
Let us pray to the Lord that we become joyful as parents.
Psalm 127:3; 128:3
Proverbs 22:6
Proverbs 17:6; 22:6
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
EFFECTIVE CHRISTIAN PARENTING : Workshop On-Line
Part I:
References
-Bible - Scripture readings for reflection
Objectives:
1. To describe and understand our present culture where our children develop their attitudes and behaviors, expectations , dreams and aspirations.
2. To know and understand the different parenting approaches and identify the Christian way of parenting.
3. To enable parents to effectively discipline their children in a Christian way in a western environment ; also to help our children appreciate and respect the christian culture.
4. To provide support to parents regarding Christian parenting.
5. To enhance and strengthen our relationship with our children.
Program duration : At your own pace.
PART 1.
Any expectations in this workshop?
1. Introduction: Why are we giving this workshop?
- Man's wisdom is not enough...we always need God's.
Read the Scriptural Teachings for Parents and Children :
For Parents: (Refers to the Father)
a. Ephesians 6: 4
b. Colossians 3:21
c. Proverbs 29:17
For Children:
a. Ephesians 6:1-3
b. Colossians 3:20
Readings:
Ephesians 6: 1 -4 (NRSV- Oxford))
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” - this is the first commandment with a promise: so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3: 20 - 21(NRSV - Oxford))
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is your acceptable duty in the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart.
Proverbs 29:17 (NRSV - Oxford)
Discipline your children, and they will give you rest; they will give delight to your heart.
In the light of God’s Words, you are taught the responsibility of a child and a parent. We are given these instructions as basis of our faith in raising our children and our children respecting and loving their parents.
Now our questions are “Why is it that the children nowadays, seem to lack love, respect, courtesy , honor and holy fear of the Lord? What happened to the good moral values we have learned from our fore parents? It seems that it has diminished in our present generation. Why is that?
Today’s society is different from what it was in the past generation.
We need to be flexible and cope up with the changing world that our children are facing today.
Children today are facing too many pressures. They live in a fast, competitive, modern, tehcnology-driven,secular and demanding world. If we don’t know and understand where they are, we will build walls instead of bridges towards our children.
Think of and describe your present culture; get specific descriptions and write write it.
Let us now look at the studies made during the past 40 years concerning the different stages of discipline that had gone through several dramatic transformations (Secrets of Discipline pg. 4-6). This will help us understand why we have this kind of culture today.
a. 1960’s the goal of discipline was to instill in each child a form of respect for authority that would result in the child following adult directions without question.
? Children were to “ be seen and not heard”
? Any form of disagreement with adult direction was labeled “talking back”
Implications: Children became overly submissive and lacked independence. As, teenagers, they felt obligated to rebel against adult domination and the abuse of power.
b. In 1970’s, because of the implications of 1960’s, parents were given the advice to unconditionally give and give to their children, demanding little in the chores and responsibilities.
Parents weren’t to use the word “No” because it could lower a child’s self-esteem.
Rudeness, anger and defiance were viewed as healthy outlets for hostility and accepted as a natural part of growing up.
Implications: Children turned into spoiled brats who thought that the world should revolve around their personal rights and needs.
c. In the same year, adopted the principles of “Behavior Modification.” [Adults told children what to do and rewarded them for complying with the instructions.]
Reinforced desirable behaviors with praise and rewards.
Reduce or elimination of undesirable behaviors through negative consequences e.g. Scolding or Removal of privileges
Consistency was considered a key factor in determining the success or the failure of the parent’s effort
Implications: Parents are conditioning their children as like a dog. Behavior modification was cold and impersonal.
d. In the 80’s and 90’s, Freedom of Choice became the major social issue.
Personal rights and freedoms were constantly demanded.
Extra freedom would prepare children for life in the modern, rapidly-changing world
Children would be responsible by experiencing the consequences of their choices
Gave birth to the new system called “Behavior Management.” [Children are given the freedom to make their own choices and are rewarded for making good ones.] It is the system parents and teachers use today.
Implications: Children, granted the freedom to make their own choices, are far too vulnerable to choose irresponsible and antisocial behavior.
-Many parents and teachers are now worried about the breakdown in respect of authority. Concerned about increasing disruption in school classrooms and about lack of safety in our schools and communities.
-Today’s discipline fails to teach children the skills they need to become responsible, co-operative and productive.
-Promotes a value system that is opposite to what we want to see in our children
To site some examples of then and now:
1.Then - When our parents called our attention or called our name, we hurriedly go to them and ready to take instructions.
Now - Children do not just come, they respond with “What” and then “Why”. And timidly do what they are asked to do.
2.Then - We cannot leave the house without our parent’s permission and we asked before hand.
Now - Children leave home with or without the parent’s permission. They come in and go as they please.
3. As for the (Filipino) families: Then - Children greeted their parents or any adult with blessing of the hand or “Mano”
Now - Children just say hi and bye because they thought it as silly and it make no sense to them.
With the present situation our children face today, we as parents need to help each other and learn more about how we can be effective parents of this generation.
To be continued.........
References
-Bible - Scripture readings for reflection
Objectives:
1. To describe and understand our present culture where our children develop their attitudes and behaviors, expectations , dreams and aspirations.
2. To know and understand the different parenting approaches and identify the Christian way of parenting.
3. To enable parents to effectively discipline their children in a Christian way in a western environment ; also to help our children appreciate and respect the christian culture.
4. To provide support to parents regarding Christian parenting.
5. To enhance and strengthen our relationship with our children.
Program duration : At your own pace.
PART 1.
Any expectations in this workshop?
1. Introduction: Why are we giving this workshop?
- Man's wisdom is not enough...we always need God's.
Read the Scriptural Teachings for Parents and Children :
For Parents: (Refers to the Father)
a. Ephesians 6: 4
b. Colossians 3:21
c. Proverbs 29:17
For Children:
a. Ephesians 6:1-3
b. Colossians 3:20
Readings:
Ephesians 6: 1 -4 (NRSV- Oxford))
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” - this is the first commandment with a promise: so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3: 20 - 21(NRSV - Oxford))
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is your acceptable duty in the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart.
Proverbs 29:17 (NRSV - Oxford)
Discipline your children, and they will give you rest; they will give delight to your heart.
In the light of God’s Words, you are taught the responsibility of a child and a parent. We are given these instructions as basis of our faith in raising our children and our children respecting and loving their parents.
Now our questions are “Why is it that the children nowadays, seem to lack love, respect, courtesy , honor and holy fear of the Lord? What happened to the good moral values we have learned from our fore parents? It seems that it has diminished in our present generation. Why is that?
Today’s society is different from what it was in the past generation.
We need to be flexible and cope up with the changing world that our children are facing today.
Children today are facing too many pressures. They live in a fast, competitive, modern, tehcnology-driven,secular and demanding world. If we don’t know and understand where they are, we will build walls instead of bridges towards our children.
Think of and describe your present culture; get specific descriptions and write write it.
Let us now look at the studies made during the past 40 years concerning the different stages of discipline that had gone through several dramatic transformations (Secrets of Discipline pg. 4-6). This will help us understand why we have this kind of culture today.
a. 1960’s the goal of discipline was to instill in each child a form of respect for authority that would result in the child following adult directions without question.
? Children were to “ be seen and not heard”
? Any form of disagreement with adult direction was labeled “talking back”
Implications: Children became overly submissive and lacked independence. As, teenagers, they felt obligated to rebel against adult domination and the abuse of power.
b. In 1970’s, because of the implications of 1960’s, parents were given the advice to unconditionally give and give to their children, demanding little in the chores and responsibilities.
Parents weren’t to use the word “No” because it could lower a child’s self-esteem.
Rudeness, anger and defiance were viewed as healthy outlets for hostility and accepted as a natural part of growing up.
Implications: Children turned into spoiled brats who thought that the world should revolve around their personal rights and needs.
c. In the same year, adopted the principles of “Behavior Modification.” [Adults told children what to do and rewarded them for complying with the instructions.]
Reinforced desirable behaviors with praise and rewards.
Reduce or elimination of undesirable behaviors through negative consequences e.g. Scolding or Removal of privileges
Consistency was considered a key factor in determining the success or the failure of the parent’s effort
Implications: Parents are conditioning their children as like a dog. Behavior modification was cold and impersonal.
d. In the 80’s and 90’s, Freedom of Choice became the major social issue.
Personal rights and freedoms were constantly demanded.
Extra freedom would prepare children for life in the modern, rapidly-changing world
Children would be responsible by experiencing the consequences of their choices
Gave birth to the new system called “Behavior Management.” [Children are given the freedom to make their own choices and are rewarded for making good ones.] It is the system parents and teachers use today.
Implications: Children, granted the freedom to make their own choices, are far too vulnerable to choose irresponsible and antisocial behavior.
-Many parents and teachers are now worried about the breakdown in respect of authority. Concerned about increasing disruption in school classrooms and about lack of safety in our schools and communities.
-Today’s discipline fails to teach children the skills they need to become responsible, co-operative and productive.
-Promotes a value system that is opposite to what we want to see in our children
To site some examples of then and now:
1.Then - When our parents called our attention or called our name, we hurriedly go to them and ready to take instructions.
Now - Children do not just come, they respond with “What” and then “Why”. And timidly do what they are asked to do.
2.Then - We cannot leave the house without our parent’s permission and we asked before hand.
Now - Children leave home with or without the parent’s permission. They come in and go as they please.
3. As for the (Filipino) families: Then - Children greeted their parents or any adult with blessing of the hand or “Mano”
Now - Children just say hi and bye because they thought it as silly and it make no sense to them.
With the present situation our children face today, we as parents need to help each other and learn more about how we can be effective parents of this generation.
To be continued.........
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Welcome
Hello and Welcome.I'll be sharing with you bits and pieces of good and better parenting in this real world , based on my real life
,my friend's real life and my neighbor's real life experiences
on raising kids in this ultra hi-tech world..
Till then in the next post...
Shalom!
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